” 2017, I had to fold my cards. But in 2018, I’m going to be dealt a new hand and I have to make the most of it.
2017 is nearing its conclusion. And this symbolizes a number of prominent things in human culture. For one, a new year should also symbolize a refreshing of one’s soul. I shouldn’t have to be carrying any more pain, heartache, or disappointment from lost loves in 2017. As the year is drawing to its end, I need to acknowledge that this is a chapter of my life that I need to end as well.
I was in love with this person. Yes, that’s true. I loved how their smile used to light up my day even when I was feeling down. I loved how my hands felt a little safer and more secure every time we touched. I loved the twinkle in their eyes whenever they locked their sights on me. I loved how they let me play with their hair, and how they played with mine. I love how they gave me their heart, and how I gave them mine in return.
Yes, I thought that this person was destined to be with me forever. I couldn’t believe it myself at first. Everything was just a little too good to be true. I didn’t know what I did in life to ever deserve that kind of romantic experience. But eventually, I slowly grew to accept the love that came knocking into my life. Gradually, my walls started to crumble and I let my guard down.
I trusted this person with my life, my heart, my soul. I loved them to the best of my abilities. There was not a single cell in my body that didn’t feel love for this person. It took every ounce of strength in me to not shout out “I love you” from the rooftops of every sleeping city in the world. I loved this person and I wasn’t shy about it. I didn’t feel guilty for it. I knew that my love was real and it was noble. I wasn’t ashamed of it. I was proud of it and I knew I would fight for it until the end.
Never did it even cross my mind that they would ever leave me; that somehow, our love would ever become invalidated. I was so confident and sure in how I felt, I didn’t realize that I was blinding myself from the reality of the situation. I was caught living in a dreamland that housed only me and no one else. I invested so much of myself in this love because I never thought that I would ever lose. I didn’t see it as a risk. I grew attached without ever thinking of having to detach myself eventually. I thought that what we had was a one in a million kind of love. But wow, I was so wrong.
As we progressed into the greater depths of the relationship, the problems that come attached with a flawed love started to rear their ugly heads. And then, little by little, I started to discover that our love wasn’t as indestructible as I had initially thought it to be.
I was hurt. My ego was bruised. My heart was bleeding and I could do nothing to stop the emotional blood from flowing. I had grown to stop loving you and I never knew that that could ever happen. It happened slowly – over time. But it was also a deliberate loss of love. It was slow and it was painful – the kind of pain that just demanded to be felt. And eventually, everything just vanished and I stopped feeling things altogether.
I spent a lot of 2017 just trying to make myself whole again. I felt like a huge part of me was ripped into shreds when I lost our love. I was mourning that love. It was something that I had grown incredibly attached to and I didn’t know how to function without it. I have so much of myself to this relationship and I just didn’t know how I would go on without it.
2017, I had to fold my cards. But in 2018, I’m going to be dealt a new hand and I have to make the most of it.
This coming year, I’m going to let go of everything that I had in 2017. In 2018, it’s going to be a blank page where I will write the rest of my story on. My book of life is unfinished and I want to make sure that I set myself up for a happy ending. 2017 didn’t turn out the way that I wanted it to, but that doesn’t mean that 2018 has to be the same. I am going to take charge of my life. The only things that I’m bringing with me are the lessons that I was forced to learn in the previous year. And these lessons will help me to have a better life moving forward. This is it. I’m owning 2018.
Source: Relationship rules