Who doesn’t love that scene featuring Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith? You know, the one where they master the art of crazy-fierce sex. While it all looks hot AF on camera, you might be worried that things could get too out of hand (or just plain awkward) during an aggressive roll in the hay. But don’t stress, here’s what you need to know.
Why Rough Sex Can Be Super Hot
Obviously, true harm is not acceptable in sexual experiences, but we might feel compelled to conquer our partner or to be conquered. Though the term “predatory aggression” sounds a bit scary, it’s actually a healthy form of aggression in sex. A man might feel so aroused by you that he wants to squeeze you and have his energy engulf you.
Each of us has a deep driving instinct to stay safe, so openly inviting someone to dominate us reduces our control over our own safety—which can make rough sex kind of a thrill. You can fuel intense passion with your partner by nudging each other to the edge of your comfort zones.
How to Keep Aggressive Sex in Check
To keep throw-me-down-tie-me-up sex from feeling too intimidating, try easing into it. Here are some guidelines to help you explore rough sex in a healthy way:
1. Build slowly. You can start with slightly risky behaviors and build on those as you cultivate trust with each other. Practice what you did a few more times with the same intensity. If you felt bad or closed off after the act, that’s not good. Discuss what felt “off” and why.
2. Let your natural instincts lead the way. There’s no need to sensor yourself. If either of you hurts the other’s feelings, listen to each other, apologize, note that particular boundary, and get back to being as risky as you can.
3. Take a few chances. While respect and consent are critical, you’ll need to push your comfort zone a little. Let your shared fantasies of finding the perfect aggression balance spark between you.
4. Let go and trust yourself. After talking about what you want, go for it! Trust your instincts and then ask for it.
5. Prepare for awkwardness. If you haven’t practiced being aggressive, you’ll almost certainly feel a little weird at first. But just be honest. No criticizing or shaming allowed.
6. Take turns. Practice yielding to your partner’s aggressive dominance, and then lead with your own.
Be sure to speak up if your partner oversteps the bounds. Likewise, ease up if your partner says you’ve gone too far. You can always return to aggressive play later.