There are so many things that have been left unsaid. Closure is overrated and I genuinely believe that. I don’t have to get over you just so I can live my life. I’m perfectly fine with keeping you as a real piece of my heart even as I make my way through this world. I don’t have to let you go just so I can keep on going myself. I don’t think that I really have to have closure with you so that I can be happy again. I know that I can still find happiness even though I never got to say everything that I wanted to say with you.
I know that our love was a waste. And while I also know that it just wasn’t meant to be, it still stings. It still hurts to know that neither of us could make things work. It hurts to know that despite our best intentions, we still couldn’t find a way out of that place of darkness that eventually consumed us. And I guess that’s what love really is. We are all led to believe that it’s perpetual light and brightness. But it’s not. A lot of what makes up love is darkness. No one really has love all figured out. It’s like having to walk through a maze with only a candle to light the way. Love wasn’t made for the faint of heart. It wasn’t meant for the weak. And I guess that’s why we didn’t last. We were weak. And while I’m not necessarily over our breakup, I’ve come to accept that love wasn’t for us. And that’s okay.
But still, the truth persists that there are plenty of things that I have to say to you and even though you’re probably not going to read this, it’s still worth a try. Here are 9 confessions that I need to make to you right now:
1. As much as I hate it, I still find myself randomly thinking about you more often than I’d like.
It’s not that I want to completely erase the memory of you from my mind. I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want to completely let go of what we had. It’s just that I didn’t think I’d still be thinking of you as much as I do now.
2. I don’t miss having you around me. I just miss the way that I felt whenever I was with you.
It’s not you that I miss so much. It’s the way that I acted and felt whenever you were around. It’s the person I became whenever you were there. That’s what I miss most about your presence. You made me happy; and I miss that happiness.
3. It was never easy for me when we ended. It still isn’t easy for me now.
It was so hard for me to walk away from what we had. And while it’s gotten easier to bare, it’s still incredibly difficult.
4. We may not be happy with the result but it’s what’s meant to be for us both.
We really have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes that right thing to do isn’t necessarily going to be what makes us happy. And that’s okay. That’s life. Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
5. There are plenty of reasons for me to hate you, but there is one big looming reason as to why I still love you.
You’re you. And even though I hate so many parts of who you are, I still choose to be in love with you as a whole. Unfortunately, love alone is never enough to sustain a relationship. And we just had too many issues to deal with as a couple.
6. I will always do my best to make myself available to you – just not in the way that I once was.
I’ll still be there for you – but only in a friendly capacity. I’ll be there for you in the sense that I can listen to you vent about your problems. But I can no longer hold you in my arms until all the hurt goes away. That’s no longer in my job description.
7. I wanted you to feel as hurt as I did when we walked away from what we had.
There’s always something comforting about knowing someone else is experiencing the same kind of pain that you’re experiencing as well. It’s a “misery loves company” kind of situation. And that’s how I felt when we broke up. I hoped that it was just as painful for you as it was for me. It gave me comfort to think about how you were hurting too.
8. I hope that you’re happy now without me.
But none of those ill-wishes are there anymore. I’m okay now. I’m trying to find happiness. I’m working my way back to a place of healthy. And I genuinely hope it’s the same for you.
Talk to me
Do you have a confession to make? Share with me in the comments below!