And maybe a dozen more times. Or never again.
Throughout your life, you’re probably going to have a lot of different types of sex. There will likely be Nicolas Sparks-worthy passion, a few regrettable decisions, experiments that don’t turn out as planned, and all of the good, bad, and ugly in between. So think of the following as noteworthy points on your sexual resume—they may be amazing or just meh, but they’ll probably teach you a thing or two about the kind of sex you really want.
1. AWKWARD FIRST-TIME SEX
Okay, so it’s not any kind of sex that you’ll want to have again, but hey, it’s an important milestone of your sexual career. After all that fumbling, there is no place to go but up, and you get to graduate to sex that is a lot more fun.
2. THE FIRST TIME YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Maybe it takes you a few tries after your first time, but one day, everything clicks. You’re no longer a fumbling amateur who feels like you’re guessing your way through everything, but a fully-fledged sex-haver. Your confidence will be waaay up there.
3. THE ZERO-INHIBITIONS SEX
Whether it happens when you’re feeling extra ballsy on vacation or when you’re one martini over your limit, this sex is when you totally let go. You’ll turn up the volume, try things you haven’t had the guts to before, and drive both you and your partner completely wild.
4. THE MAKE-UP SEX THAT IS TOTALLY WORTH THE FIGHT
Who even remembers what you were arguing about after sex this ridiculously good? But be warned, that orgasm should not be an excuse to pick a petty fight next week, too.
5. SEX THAT’S SO GOOD YOU ACCIDENTALLY BREAK THINGS
This is when you’re so out of your mind with pleasure that you have pretty much no control over where you grab/flail/kick. So the lamp is shattered, your shower curtain is ripped, your headboard is broken, and your laptop is fried after that glass of water dropped on it. Eh, it happens. Also, you will tell your friends about this one.
6. MORNING SEX THAT MAKES YOU LATE FOR WORK
Hey, sometimes you need to wake up to something better than that blaring alarm clock. You’ll come into work with a stupid grin on your face, but whatever, it was worth it.
7. THE OMG-I-CAN’T-BELIEVE-I-DID-THAT SEX
Sexual thrill-seeking isn’t for everyone, and that’s more than okay, but admit it: There’s something out there that excites you as much as it makes you nervous. Public sex, toys, threesomes-and-moresomes, BDSM, roleplaying—whatever. Whether it ends up being awesome or awful, it’s pretty brave to check something off your list that you kinda, sorta, definitely have been wanting to try.
8. THE NEVER-AGAIN POSITION
Sure, one of you will most definitely get hurt during your attempt, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Best case scenario: You discover a mind-blowing position that makes you both feel like sex gods. The worst…well, you’ll have a good story to laugh about.
9. THE SUPER-LOUD, PISS-OFF-YOUR-NEIGHBORS SEX
Come on, one night of ditching your manners won’t get you kicked out. Whether it’s blasting your sex playlist, moaning more than usual, or making a dent in your wall with the headboard, this is the kind of sex that will make it weird the next time you see the woman in 2A.
10. GOODBYE SEX
Maybe you’re breaking up, you’ve broken up, or you’re trying long-distance. Whatever the reason, this will be slightly soul crushing but extra passionate, and it’ll be good. Consider it character building.
11. SEX WITH THE BEST POSSIBLE SOUNDTRACK
First of all, if you don’t have that song yet—you know, the one you have a long-standing, emotional relationship with that you can also see yourself having amazing sex to—you need to go out and find it, stat. And then, you’ll eventually have it on while you’re hooking up and it will be the best ever.
12. THE ONE WHERE YOUR PARTNER DOES ALL THE WORK
Yeah, most of the time, good sex requires a team effort, but at least once in your life, you need to experience what it’s like to put all the pressure of reciprocating out of your mind and have a session that is all about your pleasure. Just make sure you return the favor at a later date.
13. THE SO-IN-LOVE-IT’S-STUPID SEX
There’s no denying that when you’re so ridiculously in love and you literally cannot get enough of your partner, there are fireworks. And by fireworks, we mean orgasms. Because, you know, feelings.